High School & Turning Eighteen

Everything about high school makes me wanna give up. Being stuck in such a small area of the world is suffocating. I want to do what I want to do, and be done with the rest. There's nothing about these people I'm surrounded with that will matter to me in time, and I can't stand being judged and inhibited by such little things. I want to immerse myself if love and life and the people I love. I'm sick of sitting in class worrying about little things like people and worksheets. I crave a freedom that is difficult to obtain so young. College will be good for me. It scares me to death but I know that it will help me become something bigger than a high school girl. I want to be complex and intelligent. I want to surround myself with new people that make me laugh and remind me of the things I love. The truth is I'm scared of growing up and I'm scared of leaving the one life I know. I'm scared of always facing the world alone and I'm tired of hiding behind what everyone wants me to be. I don't know where I'll be this time next year. I don't know how I'm going to get there. I'll be 18 in a week and I don't know how I feel about that. Being an adult. I've never been an adult before. 

I've been a little girl, spinning around in her new dress alone in her bedroom and I've sat on my mother's lap as she braided my hair. I've been 10, 11, and 12. I've been to middle school, and I've been scared out of my mind starting high school. All through that time, I've thought about what it would be like to be an adult. 18. What if I'm not good at it? Then again, once I turn 18, I'll be no different than I am at 17. I'll still come to school and deal with the same idiots everyday and stress about the same stupid projects. That's what I mean about being stuck. I am an adult who is now capable of turning my life into something, yet here I am. Stuck. Alone. Dying to get out. Ready to Move on. 

There was a quote in my all time favorite show One Tree Hill that put the feeling of growing up into words perfectly. 

"It's the oldest story in the world. One day, you're 17 and planning for someday. And then quietly, and without you ever really noticing, someday is today, and then someday is yesterday, and this is your life"

I'm so excited and scared to death.  





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