I'm currently sitting in the library at my college, with, surprisingly enough, not much to do. Not having anything to do is a rarity in college. It's also sort of an urban myth. The truth is, there is always something you could be working on. I've accomplished a few things today. I've been to two classes and am going to my third in an hour and a half and have completed a couple of assignments but really other than that there isn't a lot on my to do list.
Last week was my busy week. It was sorority elections, sorority initiation, sorority founders day, huge science test, sorority initiation test, and the panhellenic scholarship banquet.. AND we had to be dressed in business casual attire every day last week (mind you wasn't easy considering it was somewhere around 10 degrees every day). Even if you don't know what half of those things are, you can likely sympathize with the overwhelming capacity of things I had to do. What's nice is that typically after you have a busy week like that, the following week is pretty mellow.
So with that, here I am. Sitting in the library with the Starbucks I told myself for hours I didn't need but ended up getting. If you were wondering I got an iced caramel brule latte, because despite it being 10 degrees outside, it's about 90 degrees inside and hot coffee makes me sweat. This coffee was $5.09. WHY. I am the worlds biggest Starbucks junkie so you'd think I'm already conditioned to think that Starbucks prices are normal. I know Starbucks is expensive but I could swear that never in my life have I ever paid 5 DOLLARS for a grande iced coffee before. Idk what made it so expensive or maybe I was just hyper sensitive today. Who knows. But somehow as I slurped it down after telling myself I wasn't going to get Starbucks today and then it costing over $5, it just wasn't as satisfying.
Moral of that story: I need a Keurig.
I'm also on the hunt for cute little black ankle boots. Nothing to fancy or dressy. Just some cute little black boots to slip on with leggings and big sweater. This request is not as easy as it sounds because literally the only ankle boots you can find these days are either brown or combat style and that's not what I want.. you see my trouble now.
I'm still a homebody if you were wondering. College is not for homebodies. I counted and figured out that I have been home 8 out of my 12 weekends here. Which is actually better numbers than I thought I would come up with considering everybody and their brother gives me grief about going home so often. The way I see it, everybody transitions at my their own pace. I am still a freshman in college, I am still away from home for the first time. I am doing okay. If I want to go home and spend the weekend with my family, I will. I'm sure the time will come where I don't go home as much, and that's okay. I'll have plenty of time to not go home. Home is my support. It's where I'm sane. It's where life feels like life and I can breathe. It's where I can laugh at the dumbest stuff with my sister and go shopping. It's where my mom is always waiting with a hug and my dad reminds me how proud he is of me. I'm proud of me too. I'm doing something that, at this time last year, didn't even seem fathomable. I thought leaving home and leaving my family was the impossible. I thought I'd cry every day. I did there for a while. And then it stopped. It still comes to me in waves. I could have seen my family 3 days ago and still sob in the back of the library. I find when I'm crying in college, it's because I miss the way things used to be. I miss high school and my friends and the way everything was so simple and easy. I miss weekends with my mom and driving home from school with my sister. I find that I miss my city. I'm from a big city and there's so much to do and it's so beautiful. Especially at this time of the year. I miss the lights and the spirit that exits there. Sometimes I ask myself how I can be so homesick when there are friends of mine who haven't been home at all since school started. How are they doing it? Like I said earlier, we all transition at different rates. I'm sure there will come a day where I come to think of my college town fondly and miss things about it here just like I miss home. Maybe I'll figure out that there is more to do on the weekends here than going to parties (which I have little to no interest in). I need to give myself time.
I spend a lot of time in the library. Not because I'm a big fat nerd and all I care about is books and studying because that's not the case at all. I've found the library to be a very safe place for me. There's not a lot of places in college where you can be alone to work and think. There are people surrounding you on the sidewalks, in the dorms, in the dining hall, in your classrooms. I even find that my roommate (whom I'm not close with if you were wondering) is breathing down my neck. In the library, I can go to the "silent floor" where everyone is too afraid to hang out and go to the very back corner and enjoy the silence. I can get my homework done, study, or sit and just browse the internet (which is what I usually do). No one bothers you and I feel productive. My #1 recommendation of how to be productive in the library in college: don't go with your friends. You'll get nothing done. Work alone. I've met so many people that say they hate being alone which is so unusual to me. I can't imagine hating my own company. Back in high school, I used to work at a library. It was one of the biggest in the nation and was SO MUCH FUN. I shelved the books and helped with programs and children's storytime. It was a blast everyday I worked with the best people and learned so much. That's another thing I miss about home. That's why I like the library here at school so much; it reminds me of that time in my life. I can walk down the aisle and read the Dewey numbers on the books and remember how I spent my senior year and summer. Existing among all those books and knowing where every single one went was very very comforting to me. I'm someone who needs a lot of comfort.
Now that I've made myself out to sound like the biggest book nerd who only likes spending time with their family and hiding in book shelves, I must remind you not to make yourself so easily definable. I've had people say to me before that they "never would've guessed I'm the type of person I am by the way I look". I love doing my hair and wearing cute outfits and having nice makeup but I don't define myself by those. I am not JUST that. I am not JUST someone who likes libraries. I like typical things like giggling over cute boys and singing loud in the car. If you were to look at someone and define them in your own mind based on what you may know about them or how you assume they are based on their looks, you'd be completely off. No matter who it is. No one is any one thing. No one is easily defined. Everyone has something about them that you wouldn't have guessed. Challenge yourself to surprise people.
Thank you for reading, supporting, and following.
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xoxoxo
allie
