Lately I've been thinking.
Mostly about what in store for me in the future. I spend a lot of time wondering about the future and if I'm going to be any different of a person then than I am now.
When I was younger, I would think about high school and picture a more grown up version of myself, driving around, with a million friends and the most gorgeous boyfriend.
That time has come and is now, close to ending and not a lot has happen for me. No boyfriend. Not a lot of friends. Not a lot of change.
I've never been a "scene" chaser. I don't care what the popular kids are doing or where the next party is at. I don't listen to the same music as everyone else and I like being alone.
Maybe that's why I always am alone.
I get tired of being alone though. Sometimes it's nice to be able to lie in your bed all by yourself all night, and browse the internet, and watch movies, and wear your hair messy. It's nice not to worry about anybody else. I've always hated worrying about what other people think.
Sometimes though, I think that it would be kinda fun to go out and maybe do something fun with someone cool. Like, it doesn't even have to be a date.
Things like that scare me to death. I've always been afraid of what I don't know... Some say that's a trait of first born children.
Then, as I'm sitting in my room, lonely, I wonder why I can't have somebody. I don't always have to look perfect for them. Why can't we just sit around, watching movies together, not caring about anything than spending time with one another? Why can't I find that?
Why can't I find someone who just wants to be with me? Just in the most innocent way possible.
I want someone to love me for my mind and my opinions. I want someone to want to make me laugh and to write me things they know will make me smile.
I want to not care what I do around them, and not have to form myself to be someone they'll want to spend time with. I want to be intriguing and confident.
I already am though.
I want someone to notice it.
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