1 Month Till College

The funny thing about summer and life in general is that is goes so much faster than we anticipate it to. This summer in particular though, is one I knew would go fast. As of today, I have exactly 1 month until I move into college. True, I'm only going an hour and a half away but I don't think I've ever been more scared for anything in my entire life. 

College was something I had to warm up to. It wasn't that I was IN LOVE with high school and never wanted to leave, but it was familiar and easy. I knew everyone and I know my hometown like the back of my hand. In many ways, high school is what initiated this fear of college I have. They told us how hard it would be and that unless you had a 4.0, took every AP class, and aced your ACTs, you didn't even have a chance of getting in. 
Literally the most untrue thing in the world. 

Around October of my senior year, I realized that college was a concept I was going to have to get serious about. I had started looking into schools and thinking about what I wanted out of school. I quickly came to the conclusion that despite my love for my home and all things familiar, going away would serve to be good for me. In high school, I was a little bit of a nomad. I had lots of friends from all over the place. But not one solid group of best friends. I didn't make any real friends until the last semester of high school. Thinking back on it now, I learned so much about myself from being "friendless". I didn't challenge myself or really step out of my comfort zone. I assumed no one wanted to talk to me, so I didn't speak. It wasn't until I just talked and voiced my thoughts, that I realized if you talk, people will listen. People have no clue who you are or what you're about to say, so say it and work it out afterwards. High school was great. It was an amazing opportunity to learn about myself and an early reminder of how fast 4 years really does go. Opening up to people was the best thing I ever did for myself. 

I wasn't really considering the school I ultimately chose until senior year when an employee of my mom's encouraged me to look into there, as that was her alma mater. We went on a visit and I decided that it was right for me. Not too big, not too small and close enough to home. I applied, got in, got my paperwork done, went to orientation, bought some dorm essentials, and here I am, with a month to go, in a completely different place in my life than I was at this time last year. And as I think about it, I'll probably be saying that exact same thing next year. It's funny how life doesn't change until one day it does. 

I hope I can succeed. I really do believe I can. I want to find a part of me that can excel academically in the path I have chosen and a part of me that can thrive socially, like I never really have before. I want to open up and let people see me and all that I have to offer. 

I know that being away from home will kill me and that leaving my family, the people that know me more than anyone, will be the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I know there will be days I miss my full sized bed, my own bathroom, and my sister. I will miss my mom making food for me whenever I want it and her rubbing my back after a long day. Sitting here right now, tears growing in my eyes, I think about this moment and how it seemed so far off for so long. I can see me as a little girl, thinking about college, not knowing at all what I was going to do and I'm so proud of myself. So proud that I've brought myself this far. I deserve it. 

Part of me can't wait for college. 

I can't wait for the friends I'm going to make, and for my cute little dorm room, and for my college student chic outfits (sweatpants lol). I can't wait for sorority rush and to get gifts from my big and little t-shirts with greek letters. I can't wait to get my first A, or to meet someone who will make me smile bigger than I've ever smiled before. I can't wait to drive home for the weekend or a holiday and see my mom and dad and see how much my sister has grown up. I know I will feel so blessed and excited and I will cherish the time I have with them even more. It scares me to think that the only life I've ever know will continue to exist without me and that my sister is going to grow up and experience things that I won't be there for. She's never not had me there for her, but I hope she still tells me everything. 

Maybe this is the change I need. My life has been this road of things that never change. I always complained that nothing ever changes for me. This year I will make things change. I will be positive. I will be driven.